Santa was good to me :)

Well I figured seeing as this was my first year away from home that I would have a significantly lower number of presents this year. Boy was I wrong! I got spoilt rotten this year! I got charms for my charm bracelet, $50 warehouse voucher (for clothes), pedicure kit, pamper kit, the Risk boardgame, some cool jewelery, a sexy g-string (hehe), and an eyetoy!!!! WOOHOO!!! It wasn't with kinetic, it came with Play3 but that's ok because I went out and bought kinetic boxing day and did a work out with it that night. HOLY SHIZERS!! My thigh and butt muscles have been sore for the last two days! It feels good though. Knowing that they're sore because I'm actually doing exercise again. I am extremely unfit though :( But this 12 week programme is certainly going to help :) Got to spend the day with the family which was awesome! And ended up playing Risk that night with the boyfriends family. SO fun! I think I love boardgames so much simply because my family never played them when I was growing up.

In terms of eating and stuff I chose not to count on christmas day. I think I'll probably gain weight this week because of it but I'm ok with that, and I've been eating really well for the last few days to sort of make up for some of it. Anyway once again I havn't put too much thought into my new years resolutions so I can't put them in yet....but I swear it will happen before new years! lol Have a fantastic evening everyone! YAY! One more day of work tomorrow then three days off!

3 sleeps until Christmas!!!!!

Well, my man's hints are getting more frequent about what I'm getting for Christmas and as you can see this is having a direct impact on my excitement about Christmas' arrival. Hehe. I've got all my shopping done, I've planned our breakfast for that morning and everythings set, just need that jolly old fat fellow to come visit. I love Christmas. I used to think that it put everyone in good moods, that was until I worked in retail over Christmas.....work has been TOUGH for the last couple days. And the next two won't be any better. Lots of customers being abrupt and grumpy with us simply because THEY were too god damn lazy to do their shopping early!!!! Anywho, nuff b*tching.

1.1 kg lost!! Woohoo!!! So proud of myself :) It feels so good to lose that amount of weight after having such a big gain 2 weeks ago. 66.3 kg is how much I weigh right now. That number just DOES NOT look like it could correspond to me in any way, shape or form. It's freaky but I still don't see it.

Had a close friend drop by last night and we havn't seen each other for about 3 or 4 months (since just after my birthday which is in August). And she was shocked about my weightloss hehe. I gave her a hug and she was like. Where'd you go? Grabbing at my back like she was trying to find it. She also said that my face is looking alot slimmer and more sophisticated. I really liked that :) It was nice hearing it from someone that I'm so close to, simply because I know what she says I can trust.

Anyway I gotta bounce off to work now. Catch you all later, I'll probably be posting one or two times more before the new year and I'll have to make sure one of those include my resolutions for the new year.

It's coming off again. Phew!

I think I had convinced myself that the weightloss would stop eventually and that I couldn't ever get under what I'm already at. I'm constantly finding myself surprised on weigh in days. It's like this law/rule that has always been in my head that said "you'll always be heavy no matter what you do" is being challenged weekly. I'm slowly letting of it but it is still there as of now.
Hope everyone is getting excited about christmas I sure know I am! My man keeps dropping hints about my present. I wanna open it now, but in a way I don't. I want the surprise on christmas day. I think he's more excited for me to open my present than what I am though! It's so neat seeing him get excited over christmas. He used to be so blase' about christmas and birthdays when I first met him but I think the excitement has rubbed off now. Needless to say I'm EXTREMELY pleased with this. The day before my birthday I'm usually a bouncing ball of giggles and he used to get annoyed with my energy but now he finds it entertaining, and in a way makes me worse by reminding me it's my b-day the next day. Cute, very, very,very, very cute!
Anyway so you want to know about the loss don't you? 1.3 kg! Woohoo. Biggest weight loss since the very beginning. It had me wondering that maybe on the week that I gained that it was water retention or something sinister like that hehe. So my total weight loss is at 8.6 now. SOOO close to my 10 kg loss. I'd LOVE to hit this before new years and start the new year with a brand new hair cut. That would rock!
Well as you can see I have copious amounts of enery today (despite it pouring down outside) so I think I may go do something with it.
Have a great weekend everybody!

Nostalgia

I've starting to get that end of year nostalgic sort of feeling. That all is well and everything will be fine but that it's now time to say goodbye to what has been this year and say hello to next year. It's sort of been brought on by me cleaning out my wardrobe today. Quite seriously I had no idea I could be emotionally attached to my clothes! As I was going through them I came across a few things that got me upset to throw out. Like my 2001 new year's eve top (that is now miles too big for me), and my 6th for ball dress (much the same) and I couldn't bring myself to chuck them. Too soon I guess after the weightloss? I have managed to bag most of my size 14 pants though, to pass on, and it feels good. Scary but good. So anyway this year in retrospect... well where to begin?

This year started with me absolutely freaked about the idea of having to grow up (it still scares me a little), being an only child I always sort of held onto the being seen as the 'baby'. So anyway I gave Artmakers a go, a free 6 month program in which I got to try out all sorts of arts and came to the conclusion that art wasn't what I wanted to do for my entire life. I wanted it to be a part of it, but not the only thing.
While doing this program I moved out of home and in with my lover boy :) I don't regret it. I'm glad I had the motivation to move out, if I had never gotten a guy I think I'd still be living at home. I love my mum SOOOO much and miss her every day still! But I feel like I've grown so much over the last 10 months it's crazy. So when I finished the Artmakers course I thought I'd give nursing a go. It was something I'd been thinking about at the beginning of the year but didn't have anywhere near the confidence to approach it. So I did my intro to study course for the last 6 months and that's been fantastic. A journey of ups and downs but fantastic all the same. And now next year I begin my nursing degree. I'm scared shitless but now I have no doubt that I can do it. I just have to give it my all!
As for my health, well. I'm at the lowest weight that I have been in my life and it's steadily creeping lower. That's scary in itself. Heh, imagine being scared of being skinny? Oh I get eyetoy kinetics on boxing day (WOOHOO) that has a personal training program on it that last 12 weeks so I'm really looking forward to starting that.
The new year approaches fast and it will be the first that I will have had some really strong resolutions for. Normally I give my resolutions a couple minutes of thought the night of, and then half-heartedly state them a couple minutes before the count down. Not this year.
I won't be posting them just yet but I am already thinking about them.
So not much else to say. I should quit rambling now :)
Have a great evening everybody. Ciao.

LMAO! I've just realised I have someone to kiss on the 12 o'clock dot this year! Awesome! :) hehe

moan, b*tch, blah de blah blah! (does it ever end?)

My body is coming down with something I'm sure...I've had a bad headache for the past couple days and my tummy has been really sensitive so just a short post.
I managed to get through the weekend okay, I only went over by 15 points this weekend so I'm trying to cut my points down to 18. I keep landing on about 19-20 though. I'm going to go for a couple long walks this week to try and earn 12 of those points back. My weight is coming down though, if my mid-week weigh in is anything to go by.
Work was hell!Busy, busy two days on saturday and sunday. I was in an absolutely shitty mood yesterday. I'm just tired all the time now. I know all I seem to do is complain on here at the moment but I'm just sort of over everything at the moment. My positiveness has left me and I'm just cruising along on autopilot until something pisses me off. It sucks. I hate being in this mood but I find it really difficult to pull myself out of it. Me and the partner are bickering a lot lately (because of both of our tiredness) and thats not making anything easier.
Perhaps its just because it's December? And we havn't had a weekend to ourselves for a while. 2 weeks til Christmas and I just have 1 present left to do. Thats some consolation.
Off to see mum now, I'll probably burst into tears as soon as I walk in. I'm just in one of those moods. Thing is I've been in one of those moods every time I've been to see her for the last 3 or 4 freakin times, she might start thinking somethings wrong and get worried. Then I have one more thing to worry about myself :(
I'm going to go before I get REALLY grumpy.

it was bound to happen...

well I knew that it was coming, and surprisingly I'm not as disappointed as what I thought I would be. I've put on 900g since last week. I can rationalise where the weight came from (like the two christmas 'dos' that I pretty much pigged out at) so I'm not as stressed as I would have been had I gained the weight when I'd been really good for a week. I think it may be at the point now where I have to go down to 18 points (as much as I'd like not to admit it) but I would normally switch at about 65 kg and I'm not too far off. So I'll make the change today and I'll see what happens.
I'm tired today, had work all day yesterday (8.30 til 5.30) and I'm really not used to those sort of hours. I've got another full day today and then after work I have to walk home, have a shower and get pretty and preened for my class 'do' tonight. It won't be as bad for points I don't think (compared to the other 'dos') as it is only a barbeque, and barbeques are easy to keep under points at. As long as there is steak :)
I havn't had the energy to exercise lately but that doesn't surprise me considering I'm walking a lot at work. I might where my pedometer (despite it being a little faulty) and see if it gives me a basic idea of the steps I'm doing a day.
I doubt that I will update over the weekend, as I'm working both those days too and I have another party to go to. But I hope everyone has a lovely weekend :) Ciao for now

ouchie, ouchie, ouchies!

I am burnt to the crisp :( It was overcast so I didn't put sunscreen on. Stupid I know! Considering all the hype thats going on around about skin cancer at the moment you'd think I'd be a little bit more careful wouldn't you? Anyway so as you may probably assume I got to go to the beach today (Mt Maunganui) to be specific. It was windy and cloudy but still GREAT to be there! We ran around playing soccer for a while and did some body surfing and then sunbathing then came home. I've estimated my points that I earnt at about 5 so I'm pleased with that. Went out with the boyfriend and his family and one of boyfriend's mates.
The day was a little bit spoiled by me and mine squabbling a bit. I'm not sure what its about. Maybe we were both tired and sunburnt and grumpy or something but it felt to me like he was nit picking at me the whole day and making jokes at my expense. Meh, probably just being oversensitive.
I'm not looking forward to having to make-up for all my over spent points from this weekend this week. Only to repeat it all again next weekend with another two functions to go to. I don't like it when I go over my points I feel bad, and I'd rather have gone without the high point so that I don't feel 'bad'. I think I'll be a lot more careful with my food choices for next weekend. It will help a lot that they're both barbeques which means steak and salads. SWEET. Anyway I feel like doing something mindless like a computer game or something, get my mind of man problems and just relax.
Ciao

my tummy is SO sore

Had the boyfriend's work do last night (and mine the night before) so suffice to say I'm a good 20-25 points over as of today. But I have no prob with that, I can make it up during the week. But my tummy has been really sore for the past two days. Gurgling a lot and just generally being noisy and annoying. If it continues I may end up going to the doctor because at times it can be quite painful.

Well I'm in A LOT better mood than I was a couple days ago. I've been continuing with my aim of doing a bit of exercise each day. Went shopping for like an hour yesterday (walking around) so that was a couple points and the day before I did yoga. AND hopefully today I'll get to go to the beach WOOHOO!!! I'm so looking forward to it, I can't even explain how much I want to go! Anyway I really hope everybody has a fantasticle day. I'll post again soon.

another one bites the dust!

hehe that's my first post title that's been interesting in a while. Weigh day today and I've lost another kilo (67.8 kg now), woohoo? I'm becoming somewhat blase (sp) about my weight loss. It keeps chugging along even though I keep eating more and more crap. Don't get me wrong I'm totally happy with losing but it just feels really strange, almost unrealistic, like it's happening to someone else's body. If weightloss for me was this easy what has stopped me from doing it for SO many years?

I was constantly picked on all through school and still cry every time I think about it. Ever since I was like 8 or 9 I was considered to be a large girl. I have plenty of bad memories linked to this. Lots of nasty names and LOTS of tears but looking back now, why the hell didn't I do ANYTHING about it? One of the worst memories that I have that still makes me cry to this day happened in form 2. I was about 11 years old and I weighed about 85-90kg, and we went on a 4-5 hour trek as part of a camp trip. This was fine except I kept getting behind, I couldn't keep up so they decided to put me in front of the crowd. In the place where I could set the pace and hear everyone moaning, b*tching, complaining and murmuring really nasty names. It was probably a few of the worst hours I've ever experienced. The worst part was that one of the teachers gave me a chocolate bar as a 'reward' for doing the walk, which caused the other kids to call me 'teachers little miss piggy'.
And another time on that camp I did something that the teacher waranted as courageous and as my reward said I could have another serving of icecream at pudding that night. The lady didn't know what was going on and so turned me down. I went back to the table and cried. Not because I wasn't getting more icecream but because all the boys in that hall were laughing at the whale that went up for seconds. After this camp finished my self-esteem was at an all time low. I hated everything, and everyone. My teachers, the other kids, but most of all myself. I went home and ate and ate and ate. By the time I got to 3rd form I was 98 kg. I had gotten better at ignoring nasty comments.

And then a couple angels came into my life. I doubt these people know the influence they have had on my life but they have just been amazing. These two angels were my friends Amy and Sarah. These girls befriended me despite my size and the fact that because I had low self-esteem I tended to be nasty back to people to 'protect' myself. They got me out of my rut. I started going for walks and just generally started moving more instead of sitting at home on the weekends and eating and feeling sorry for myself. By 5th form I was down to about 80kg, and I joined the gym in 6th form and got down to 72 (my lowest ever weight at this point). More and more people were nicer to me, because I was nicer to myself.

Now with this weight watchers thing I keep catching myself doing things that are self-destructive. Like mindlessly eating. I've finally been able to admit to myself that I don't actually feel like I deserve this. I was the one that put myself through that misery of being fat for so many years. What gives me the right to change now? Personally I would love to start a child obesity program or something along those lines to take around schools and teach them about health and nutrition and get something like 'life coachs' for those kids that are severely overweight. The world recognises the problem adults have with losing weight but the epidemic is spreading to kids. It makes me angry to know that there are kids out there going through what I did and they don't have to! Our government should be doing more. They really should.

God I'm exhausted. I needed to put that stuff down so that it wasn't in my head. I'm sure I'll be back to my normal self tomorrow. Right now I'm off to do some yoga.